A Conspicuous Lack of Red Flags
I am incredibly naive.
The following is an accurate portrayal of a conversation I had with a young Guatemalan, with emphasis on the moments that should have given me pause, and the utter cerebral failure to register the patently obvious.
(Scene: I, having just jammed for a half-hour at Cafe No Se, enter the back dining area to finish reading Michael Crichton´s Disclosure. I sit, and am approached by a Guatemalan from the opposite table. I cannot tell if he/she is male or female.)
Guat: You speak a Spanish?
Cerebral Failure #1: the Guat´s tone of voice does not betray his sex. No Red Flags raised.
Me: Si, puedo hablarlo.
Guat: ¿Como te llamas?
Me: Nathan.
Guat: ¿Nick?
Me: ...Nato.
Guat: Hola. Me llamo Oto.
Me: Mucho gusto. ¿Trabajas aqui?
Guat: No, solo con amigos. ¿De donde es?
Me: Estados Unidos.
Guat: Oh. ¿Casado?
Cerebral Failure #2: He/she just asked me if I was married. No red flags raised.
Guat (in Spanish): Girlfriend?
Me (also, obviously, in Spanish): Nope.
Guat: None?
Me: Nope. That´s why I can travel.
Cerebral Failure #3: He/she is looking awfully strangely at me. No red flags raised.
Guat: How long you here?
Me: No, just a few more days. I´m going to visit my dad.
Guat: When do you leave?
Me: July 7.
Guat: Ah.
(long pause)
Guat: You like girls?
Cerebral Failure #4: My god, you are so dumb. Where the hell is the Red Flag man?
Guat: Where are you staying?
Cerebrum: That´s it. Someone go get Red Flag Man, and tell him to go do his job.
Me: Posada Ruiz.
Cerebrum (after stunned silence): Oh_my_god.
Guat: Ah. I know where that is.
Cerebrum: You know what? Let´s just kill him. I hate my job anyway, working for this idiot.
Guat: You like boys?
(At this point, the Red Flag Man received a severe kick from Subconsciousness Man, but was still too groggy to realize what was upon him.)
Me: No.
(Red Flag Man: Hey, guys...what´s going on?)
Guat: I like boys. Especially the handsome ones.
Red Flag Man: Holy crap!
Guat: Do you have e-mail?
Red Flag Man: Why the hell wasn´t I informed of this?
Cerebrum: You´re fired.
Me, after thinking quickly: ...no.
Guat: Oh. Well, here´s mine.
After much thinking, therefore, I have decided that I need to pay more attention to my surroundings.
The following is an accurate portrayal of a conversation I had with a young Guatemalan, with emphasis on the moments that should have given me pause, and the utter cerebral failure to register the patently obvious.
(Scene: I, having just jammed for a half-hour at Cafe No Se, enter the back dining area to finish reading Michael Crichton´s Disclosure. I sit, and am approached by a Guatemalan from the opposite table. I cannot tell if he/she is male or female.)
Guat: You speak a Spanish?
Cerebral Failure #1: the Guat´s tone of voice does not betray his sex. No Red Flags raised.
Me: Si, puedo hablarlo.
Guat: ¿Como te llamas?
Me: Nathan.
Guat: ¿Nick?
Me: ...Nato.
Guat: Hola. Me llamo Oto.
Me: Mucho gusto. ¿Trabajas aqui?
Guat: No, solo con amigos. ¿De donde es?
Me: Estados Unidos.
Guat: Oh. ¿Casado?
Cerebral Failure #2: He/she just asked me if I was married. No red flags raised.
Guat (in Spanish): Girlfriend?
Me (also, obviously, in Spanish): Nope.
Guat: None?
Me: Nope. That´s why I can travel.
Cerebral Failure #3: He/she is looking awfully strangely at me. No red flags raised.
Guat: How long you here?
Me: No, just a few more days. I´m going to visit my dad.
Guat: When do you leave?
Me: July 7.
Guat: Ah.
(long pause)
Guat: You like girls?
Cerebral Failure #4: My god, you are so dumb. Where the hell is the Red Flag man?
Guat: Where are you staying?
Cerebrum: That´s it. Someone go get Red Flag Man, and tell him to go do his job.
Me: Posada Ruiz.
Cerebrum (after stunned silence): Oh_my_god.
Guat: Ah. I know where that is.
Cerebrum: You know what? Let´s just kill him. I hate my job anyway, working for this idiot.
Guat: You like boys?
(At this point, the Red Flag Man received a severe kick from Subconsciousness Man, but was still too groggy to realize what was upon him.)
Me: No.
(Red Flag Man: Hey, guys...what´s going on?)
Guat: I like boys. Especially the handsome ones.
Red Flag Man: Holy crap!
Guat: Do you have e-mail?
Red Flag Man: Why the hell wasn´t I informed of this?
Cerebrum: You´re fired.
Me, after thinking quickly: ...no.
Guat: Oh. Well, here´s mine.
After much thinking, therefore, I have decided that I need to pay more attention to my surroundings.
posted by NateWazoo at 9:11 PM
1 Comments:
wow.
sounds like a sunday afternoon in the Castro. except, Castro tranny's make it a little easier with the "I'm not gay but my girlfriend's strap-on is!" t-shirt's.
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